Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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