cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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