There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I smell like Dick and happiness
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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