: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
