If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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