did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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