It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
