have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
