i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
