I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
