My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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