i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I understand Curling. That high.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
