So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
