I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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