I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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