found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
