So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
