hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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