Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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