You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
