how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
