this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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