Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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