Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
