your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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