when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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