I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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