I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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