i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So squirting runs in the family.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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