Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
