NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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