I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
