addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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