Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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