Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
