Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
