you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
