Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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