Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
