I want to walk on stilts...naked
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
