haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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