wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
