Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
