shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
