So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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