Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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