eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
