He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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