we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
