just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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