Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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