so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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