Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
