just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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