I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
