she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
