so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
