Porn is love you can see.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
