I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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