I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
