do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As shirtless as possible
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
