i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
