I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
