Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
