so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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