Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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