Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
