My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
