Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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