There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
