do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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