trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
