I hate your face
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
