Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
