Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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