She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
