I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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