Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
