He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
