my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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