My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
