I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
