I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
