my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize