please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
