It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
