Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize