Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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