I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
