how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
