Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
