So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
