My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
