And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
