We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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