Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
