I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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