For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
