So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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