I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
