You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
