the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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