Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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