I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
