Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
