I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
